Women push for reform of divorce rules

DAMMAM, SAUDI ARABIA // When her husband refused her request to divorce, a Saudi woman decided to ask for one herself. Two years later, she is still waiting for the official divorce decree.

First, her brothers declined to act as her male guardian in court, as required under Saudi law. They relented only after pleadings from her mother. Then her husband would not show up for the hearings. And even though the judge finally agreed that a divorce was warranted, he said the husband could still raise objections.

“I cannot do anything without this divorce paper,” said the 36-year-old education ministry administrator, who asked not to be identified because of the stigma associated with divorce in the conservative kingdom. “The husband plays on the time.”

For many Saudi women, divorce is not a release, but a new kind of restraint. All too often, they get nothing but trouble and scorn from former husbands, courts and even their families.

But a gathering recently in Dammam at the Eastern Province’s Chamber of Commerce indicates that change, perhaps, is coming.

About 150 Saudi women gathered in the chamber’s auditorium for the Saudi Divorce Initiative Forum – the kingdom’s first female-organised public forum on difficulties faced by women during and after divorce.

The aim, organisers said, was to kick-start public debate about how to better enforce already existing – but often ignored – legal protections for women and children.
“We are not here venting, we are not here screaming,” said Thuraya Arrayed, a long-time women’s rights activist based in Al Khobar who spoke at the forum. “What we are here for is to study the problem from all perspectives… and then come up with our recommendations.”

The event was held on Nov 25 to coincide with International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. Under the patronage of Princess Jawahir bint Naif, it had impressive backers: Chambers of Commerce in Dammam and Jeddah, Saudi human rights groups, the ministry of social affairs, and the country’s top advisory body, which is the Shura Council.

The women heard more than a dozen female speakers talk about legal, psychological, financial, family and emotional difficulties related to divorce.

According to the ministry of social affairs, the kingdom has a divorce rate of 30 per cent, though other estimates place it at 60 per cent, according to press reports.
“It’s the first one of its kind,” said Luluah al Shammari, a Saudi educator who had set up an information booth on a programme promoting dialogue outside the conference hall. “It’s about time to have it [divorce] come into the open.”

In interviews on the sidelines of the forum, women described typical problems during divorce. Judges can refuse to consider a woman’s divorce pleadings unless she is accompanied by a male relative. Men sometimes obtain divorce decrees without informing their wives. And former husbands often face no legal penalty if they stop child support or snatch children from their mother.

“If you are divorced and want an ID or official court papers, you cannot have them except through your ex-husband. But if he doesn’t want to [get them], nobody can make him,” said Hind K Alzahid, manager of the Business Women Center, an affiliate of the local chamber of commerce. The centre helped organise the forum.

Sometimes, children cannot attend school because their father does not provide his former wife with the necessary official papers, Ms Alzahid said. “It’s a big problem, especially in poor communities.”

Some men verbally divorce their wives, but fail to get final court decrees, leaving the woman in legal limbo, and unable to travel or remarry because she cannot prove she is divorced, the women said.

Worst of all, families usually blame the woman for the failed marriage.

The spark for the meeting came from the Dammam-based journalist Haifa Khalid, who started the kingdom’s first website devoted to divorce (www.saudidivorce.org) last spring.

“Women and their children are the weaker side in any divorce. There still isn’t a system in place that understands their needs,” Ms Khalid told the Arab News, a Saudi daily.

King Abdullah’s picture appeared on the forum’s brochures and posters inside the Chamber of Commerce auditorium. Several women said his encouragement to Saudi women to address problems in their society had inspired them to become active on the divorce issue.

“He’s supporting women,” Ms Alzahid said. “He gives us the right to talk.”

The forum concluded with a formal list of more than 70 recommendations that organisers said they plan to present to official agencies.

Among the suggestions: give both husband and wife an original copy of their marriage contract. Allow women to hire female lawyers to represent them in court. Launch a public awareness campaign “to remove the stigma attached to being a divorced woman”.

For the woman whose husband refused her request to divorce, she has already gained an important side benefit.

“Nobody will force me to do anything now,” she said. “I’ve completely changed because of all of these troubles I passed through.”